


Years and Years

by FarrahGone



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends Trixya AU, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Lesbian AU, M/M, pearlet, trans violet, trixya - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:54:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25163473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FarrahGone/pseuds/FarrahGone
Summary: Katya does not believe in praying to anyone.Katya believes in asking for signs from, well, anyone.(A self-indulgent fic. You've been warned.)*no betaDISCLAIMER: I am very against plagiarism and a sucker for originality. If there are some aspects to this that match other authors' works (except for popular tropes, that is), it is purely coincidental and I give credit to whom credit is due.
Relationships: Trixie Mattel/Katya Zamolodchikova
Comments: 10
Kudos: 39





	1. 6 and 10

The skies are clear and cloudless, but the sun isn't shining enough to hurt the eyes. The breeze is cool, the birds are happily chirping. It is a perfect day. Children are the embodiment of endless vigor, taking advantage of every chance they could get to get up and be active. The children around the block, all seven of them, gathered into the woods to play games amongst each other, and it's indeed a sight to see. Children were shouting, singing, and dancing, occasionally picking a fight here and there yet manages to resolve everything on their own. At one point, the kids decided to play "tag, you're it", and that is where our story begins.

"Ow!" little Beatrice cried out.

The six-year-old tripped on a vine that was carelessly blocking her way, making her little frail body fall on the ground full of rocks, mud, and dried leaves. She curled herself up in a fetal position as she began bawling her eyes out. Tears streamed on her round, rosy cheeks, big brown eyes filling with shame and humiliation, to which the young girl can only express through crying. The pain had subsided some time ago, but her little mind is more worried about what Aunt Linda will say regarding her now muddy Barbie T-shirt she had gotten her last Christmas.

"What're we gon' do?" Sasha asks the others as they looked on to their crying playmate, like the voice of reason he always is.

The others shrugged, and one by one left the injured girl in the woods. Sasha ultimately followed the common consensus, despite giving the girl a pitying and doubtful look. Seeing her friend turn away made Beatrice cry even harder, exaggerating her wails of despair. It had gotten a bit sunnier now, and the rays are starting to burn through Beatrice’s skin. Everyone had gone about their day, Except that one blonde and eccentric ten-year-old with a heart of gold, and blue electric eyes that sees the need to help the ones in vain every time. That little girl, who is four years older than our Trixie, is sweet, sweet, Yekaterina, or as her parents call her, Katya. She walked towards Beatrice slowly. Being a lot taller than the other blond, she was able to lift Beatrice to a bench carefully.

"Please stop crying." She whispers softly, eyes widening in what was supposed to be quiet reassurance.

Katya brushed some of the mud off of Beatrice, wiping the other girl’s tears with her sticky fingers. She pushed Beatrice’s blond curls behind her ears then rubbed her back lightly. Beatrice whined, pointing at her now swollen ankle. At a young age, Katya knew not to meddle with things that she does not understand very well, in fear of a bad judgment call (She had learned that when she painted her rotting tooth with White-out and her mother reprimanded her for it.) She shook her head, her fringe moving against her forehead.  
“I can’t touch it. I don’t wanna make it worse.” She explained.

When that didn't work, her young mind is at a loss. What is supposed to be done to stop a crying child? In a burst of childhood innocence and the lack of knowledge about the society’s standards, Katya is willing to go the extra mile to help Beatrice. Looking around to make sure that no one's looking, the blue-eyed child opted to try something she'd seen on TV the other day.  
Katya put her little hands on either side of Beatrice's face. She squeezed her eyes close then leaned in with puckered lips and kissed the crying girl on the lips. For a few moments, they remained in that position. Beatrice didn't resist. They still tried to comprehend what they didn't understand. The tingling feeling in their little hearts, the fluttering in their tummies, and generally just the feeling of their innocent lips pressed together. But they aren't as secretive as they thought they are.

"Yekaterina! Beatrice Michelle! What are you doing?! "Aunt Linda screams at the top of her lungs. The girls looked at each other, clearly horrified. It is the day that they will unconsciously realize how complex the human heart is, beating for the right person unknowingly.

Aunt Linda drove immediately to the hospital, asking Katya if she was hurt too. Sasha apparently alerted the woman, who thankfully believed the young boy. Katya pouted slightly. The older girl has always had an irrational fear of the middle-aged woman. Miss Linda refused to call her anything but Yekaterina, and only ever says it verbally with distaste, when Katya sits with her legs open at Sunday school, when she refuses to wear bows in her hair, when she picks fights with the boys in the neighborhood, but today, Katya knew that the way she enunciated her full first name meant that she is going to be in trouble, and it terrified her to no end.  
Out of the goodness of her heart, Katya didn’t let that stop her from wrapping her arms around Beatrice throughout the trip, even holding her hand tightly when the injured child was wheeled into the emergency room, rubbing her back through hiccups and broken sobs. Katya felt like a big girl, answering the doctor’s questions, and felt even prouder when the doctor commended her fast and critical thinking.  
It turns out that Beatrice had twisted and fractured her ankle and required a cast and an ankle boot for a couple of weeks. While Beatrice was taken for the last check before being sent home, Katya sat in the waiting room beside her aunt, who she couldn't even look in the eyes, until the old, strict, uptight woman broke the silence.

"Yekaterina, do you want me to drive you home?" She asks softly as not to scare the terrified child even more.

"I'm...sorry, Miss Linda." The child says, her voice trembling. Even the matriarch felt guilt inside her for making Katya feel bad.

"No, I'm not mad at you. I appreciate that you helped Beatrice but about that... I really need to talk to your parents. What you did is not...okay. It's not normal for little girls to kiss." She says. Katya's little heart sank deeper. Now that her parents are involved, she is probably in a lot of trouble.

Little Katya can barely hear a single word from Miss Linda and her parents' conversation, but judging from their facial expressions, she knew that they are disagreeing about something. The long talk ended with Miss Linda shaking her parents' hands. They led her to the front door, passing Katya who was sitting in the living room. Her parents looked at each other before walking towards her carefully.  
When her parents came and sat beside her, big tears dripped on her cheeks. "Mamma, I'm sorry. Am I in trouble?" Katya sobs.

Katina and Daniel looked at their daughter, then at each other. Their hearts broke, seeing their only child cry just because of a right-wing bigot's opinion. Daniel kneeled down in front of his daughter. "Don't cry, honey. You're not in trouble." He says softly.

"Then...why...were...you...talking...to...Miss Linda?" Katya says in between sobs. At that point, Katina picked the little girl up and put her in her lap.  
“Baby, I’m not sure if you can understand this completely right now, but Miss Linda, she…doesn’t know that girls and boys can kiss just like a girl and a boy can kiss. There is nothing wrong with kissing people you love.” She explains carefully, playing with Katya’s hair.  
"But you should not just do it without asking first. It’s not okay. You are far too young to be kissing anyone." Daniel says.  
Katya looked confused. "But Miss Linda said...it’s not right? What if I don’t really like kissing boys?" She asks. Katina and Daniel smiled knowingly. "It's okay, at least for us. We love you, Katya. When you grow up, you will understand this more."

"You mean, it's only bad because, we're too young?" She asks, she had already stopped crying.

"Yes, yes. Go take a nap. Later, we'll take you to visit Beatrice." Her mother smiles warmly.  
Katya squeals and jumps up and down in excitement, running to her room right under the covers, excited to see her friend again. As she lay down, she felt something really funny inside her while she thought of the injured blonde girl. It’s something she can't explain, like the feeling she gets when her mommy buys her a Popsicle stick.

The little girl fell asleep with a smile on her face, Beatrice’s round brown eyes the last thing on her mind. Beatrice and Katya were regular playmates before, frequently skipping home together after a whole afternoon of playing in the woods with the other kids, as they only lived a block away from each other. However, after that very day, an extraordinary friendship blossomed between the girls rapidly. Days were spent in, watching TV, painting, telling each other stories, braiding each other’s hair, and anything that can be conceived with the other girl’s limited mobility. Katya had never been happier before. Getting to spend the day making Beatrice laugh quickly became her favorite activity.  
Of course, Aunt Linda watched them intently every time Katya came over. She would never peel her gaze away from the girls, even yelling at Beatrice if she as much as laughs out loud with a wide open mouth. She always gave both of them “scary” looks, special when Katya reaches over to hug Beatrice, or if that said hug was a little too long for her liking when the kids are saying goodbye. Katya tried to ignore her, tried to ignore the hollow feeling inside her whenever she catches the uptight woman’s gaze.

Weeks flew by, until Beatrice was able to walk again, and an excitable Katya knew just how she wanted to celebrate her now-best friend’s recovery.

"Please, Aunt Linda!" The little blond begged her aunt. Linda sighed, her gaze shifting towards the Zamolodchikovas . "Let the kid live, Linda. It'll only be for a day." Daniel says quietly as he smiled and winked at Trixie, making her giggle. “Daniel, I told you, you don’t have to do this for her. We can just let the girls sit with snacks and a movie until bedtime. We don’t really have to-“  
Katina cut her off gently. “We think it’s necessary. Linda, you and Beatrice have been cooped up inside the house for weeks, and I’ve never actually seen you go to any of the barbecue parties around here. The little girl deserves it, you deserve it. Please, let us celebrate her recovery with you.”  
Linda locked eyes with Beatrice, studying the little girl’s expression. She smiled shyly, looking over at her aunt to show hopeful and begging eyes. The old woman sighed and finally gave up. "Okay, okay. I guess we’re having a barbecue party then." She says quickly then turned towards Katya's father.

"It will be fun." Daniel reassured her with a firm nod. “Can I help prepare with the cooking?" Beatrice almost whispers quietly, looking at her feet.  
Katina looked at Linda for approval. “Just...don't let her play around too much. If she makes any mistakes, don’t be afraid to reprimand her! Don't-"  
Daniel raised a finger to stop her from talking. "Linda, like I told you, let the kid live. She won't always be confined in that house. Eventually, she'll have to learn to fend for herself." The man explains. Linda looked down, not knowing what to say. It’s a thought that she doesn’t want to think about most of the time.  
"Now, be careful, Beatrice. You will mind Mr. and Mrs. Zamolodchikova very well, okay?" Linda ran her fingers through her messy honey-blonde hair. "Yes, ma'am. Bye!"  
Katya carefully took Beatrice’s hand and carefully guided her towards the steps up the front door. "Linda’s heart fluttered at the sight, more than she cared to admit.  
"This is exciting! We're gonna sit in front of a bonfire, and tell ghost stories like those big boys do." Katya grins. She knew that Beatrice has never experienced a bonfire, being confined inside her guardian's house most of the time, reading the Bible, or improving her reading skills. Katya put her arm around her much smaller friend.  



	2. 6 and 10-II

Children are quite inquisitive in nature. Their young minds are always excited to gather little pieces of information here and there, connecting imaginary dots in their heads. That is exactly the kind of kid Katya is, maybe that is why she is popular around the neighborhood. Katya is always curious. The blonde Russian-born girl is always excited about new information. When the weather is gloomy and she can’t play outside with the other kids, she will just contentedly read inside her cozy room. She has learned a lot of things this way; facts about octopi, the definition of communism (based on her grasp as a kid), and a whole lot more. Little nuggets of knowledge turned to acquiring crucial skills, but she has yet to grasp the abstract concepts, and how not to ask questions bluntly.

Beatrice acts differently inside and outside of her home. Katya had only ever known the quick yet clumsy, the cute but whiny, and smart and sassy version of the little girl who she plays with regularly. It was worlds away from the strangely quiet and prim and proper kid that she got to know when Beatrice twisted her ankle. It was eerie, at least for the ball of energy that is Katya. She never gets why the younger girl acts differently in different places. To Katya’s limited understanding, what the girl is doing is tantamount to lying. Katya is always the way she is, outgoing, energetic, and playful wherever she goes. Her parents never tell her to tone down her voice, to “laugh like a lady”, and to do things gracefully. That is why she felt the need to ask the six-year-old why she behaves the exact opposite way when she is within Miss Linda’s eyesight. Sitting by the fire far enough to be out of the grown-ups’ earshot, Katya carefully moved closer to Beatrice, still wary of Miss Linda’s judging looks. 

“Beatrice, can I tell you something?” She began in a whisper. The younger blonde just shrugged and muttered a “yeah” as she continued drawing.  
“I think you are lying.” Katya stated bluntly. This made Beatrice’s head snap towards her, eyes glistening with tears, hurt evident.  
“No, I’m not!” She insisted, clenched fists lightly hitting her little thighs as she spoke to punctuate her words. Miss Linda visibly flinched at Trixie’s raised tone. She shot her niece a warning look before continuing her conversation with the Zamolodchikovas.  
Katya shook her head. “See? You stop when she tells you to, and then you don’t act like you always do outside. If it’s not true, then you’re lying.” She attempts to explain.  
By now, tears have seeped through Beatrice’s eyes. “If you don’t believe me then we’re not friends anymore. Friends believe their friends.” She whispers through hiccups. 

“But, you’re lying, Beatrice! And that’s not okay. You laugh very loud outside but inside your house, you cover your mouth. You’re not acting the truth.” Katya stated the last part carefully, weighing if she used the proper words.  
“B-because Aunt Linda says so. If I don’t do what she says, she said she will punish me. “Beatrice explains, feeling the same sting of embarrassment that enveloped her when she twisted her ankle. She sobbed quietly, wiping her tears from time to time as not to draw any attention.  
Katya wanted to say something, to argue back, but thankfully knew not to upset a crying person even further. She sank her shoulders lower with a pout as she watched Beatrice scoot away from her, ignoring her completely.  
Katya felt something on her chest, and it is quite heavy. It’s weighing her down like bricks, yet she felt hollow and lifeless inside. She doesn’t know how to explain it, but she would later find out exactly what people call that one specific sensation. At that moment however, Katya decided to nudge Beatrice a little, just to get her attention, an assurance that the younger girl didn’t actually mean what she said.  
“Hey.” She whispers, confused by the way her throat is constricting and her eyes threatening to tear up as well.  
“We’re not friends anymore.” Beatrice simply says, trying to even her breathing.  
“Why?” Katya’s voice trembled as well.  
“Because you said I lie. Go away.” Beatrice says, moving away from her friend even further.  
“No. We’re still friends. “ Katya argues.  
“Why?” Beatrice looked at her then, an expression of annoyance riddled with curiosity on her face.  
“Because I said so.” Katya laughed lightly, hoping that her little joke would magically clear the negative atmosphere between her and her friend, but she’s the only one laughing.  
“Well, we’re not friends anymore because I said so too.” Beatrice rolled her eyes, her sassy side shining through.  
Katya sighed loudly. She doesn’t know how to explain all the complex feelings inside her yet, but she knows that they’re all negative, even for her age. She just didn’t understand why Beatrice got mad for being told that she’s lying, which, in her mind, is what she’s actually doing. The young girls continued on drawing, never interacting, yet never leaving their table. As the night deepened, the adults started having disagreements of their own as well…

The barbecue was fine, dishes were washed, and the three adults now sat at a table right across from Katya and Beatrice. The conversation flowed rather awkwardly, the couple kindly asking questions with the intent to get to know their new neighbor better, despite receiving hesitant responses. Her disinterest could not be more evident, with the way her eyes keep shifting towards the little girls. Katina cleared her throat to get Linda’s attention once again.  
“If you don’t mind me asking, Linda, how did you end up taking care of the little girl by yourself?” Katina asks her carefully. Linda made a disgusted face, and clasped her hands at the table in front of her.  
“Her mother didn’t follow the rules enough. She got pregnant and the boy left her on her own. She’s gone.” Linda explains bluntly. 

The couple looked at each other, neither knowing what to say about the blunt confession.  
“I’m so sorry to hear that, Linda.” Katina offers in a moderate tone, fearing that she might sound patronizing.  
“That’s why I try to get her to act properly, to make her safe. I do not want her to end up like her mother. That’s why I’m always so strict.”

Katina opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by Linda.

“…And if I’m being honest, I think you should do the same with Yekaterina, it's a bit late but you can still get her to act right.”  
The statement caught the Zamolodchikovas off-guard. Katina tried to keep her composure.  
“I’m sorry, but what does our Katya have to do with this?”

Linda straightened her back in her chair with her chin up, looking at the couple with an unreadable expression. She then smirked menacingly. Katina thought that if Katya wasn't around, she would have dragged the woman by her hair across the table.

“I noticed that you don’t watch the way she behaves. Her dresses always end up wrinkly in Sunday school, she laughs too loudly and she…she’s not acting like how a proper young lady should, not to mention what happened in the woods…” It’s Daniel who cut her off this time. 

“I will have to disagree with you. We think that Katya is doing just fine. “ He smiles to hide his aggravation.  
Linda raised her eyebrows at him. “Really? You think it’s acceptable? The way she acts? Katina, Daniel, I’m just concerned. She’s-“  
Daniel rose from his seat, unable to tolerate her any longer.  
“Katya is a smart and loving girl. She can be blunt at times, but she’s polite. She’s helpful, she’s sweet, and she cares for everybody around her. Katya respects everyone no matter how badly she gets treated. She doesn’t judge people, never. We taught her better than that. Yes, she may not act like how you think a “proper young lady” should, but she’s acting like a proper human to other humans. That’s what is important to us. As for what happened in the woods, you never acted this way when Sasha did the same thing last week to Kim. You have double standards. She was trying to comfort her friend. Whatever she turns out to be in the future is out of our control, it’s not up to us to conclude that or try and change that. We’re teaching her to be herself confidently so that she wouldn’t be afraid to deal with people like…you.” Daniel was gritting his teeth by the end of his outburst.  
For a few seconds, the three adults just stared at each other intensely, daring the other to say something and ignite the fire once again. A tiny voice broke their heated stare-down.

“Aunt Linda, I’m getting sleepy.” Beatrice’s voice cut through the air. Linda turned towards the little girl and took her hand. With a deep breath, she looked back at the couple, now seemingly calmer and with a somehow civil look on her face.  
“Thank you for the dinner, Daniel, Katina. Say thank you, Beatrice.” She gave the little girl a nudge.  
“Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Zamo. Goodnight.” They smiled at the little girl and with a slight nod, Linda toted her niece back to their house.

“Sweetheart.” Katina lovingly slipped her arms around her husband's waist, resting her head on his shoulders.  
“What an insufferable, miserable human being. I pity the little girl.” Daniel says, still a little bit agitated about the earlier scene. After a beat of silence, Katina realized that Katya was still sitting on the table. She walked towards her daughter, tapping her shoulder lightly.  
“Honey, you didn’t say goodbye to your friend.” The ten-year-old’s chin quivered, and soon, she broke down in heavy sobs.  
The couple sat by their daughter side by side. Katya embraced her mom tightly by her waist. Katina wrapped her arms around her little girl as Daniel engulfed them both in his arms. Thankfully, they knew that Katya had to calm down, that she’s got to let it all out, whatever feelings she’s got so she wouldn’t bottle them up inside later.  
The girl shook and trembled as she held on to her mother for dear life, still sobbing and crying heavily. “Let it all out, baby. Let it all out. It’s okay.” Katina whispers to comfort her daughter. The Zamolodchikovas sat quietly, the sounds of the night filling in the silence in the air. Daniel carefully rubbed Katya’s back up and down as her breaths came in short spurts, tears have stopped flowing but she stills wears the same confused and pained expression. When she began to breathe more evenly, Katina tapped her shoulder once again. 

“You think we can walk inside now?” She asks her. 

Katya nodded weakly, leading the way towards their front door as she held on to her mother’s hand. Daniel went straight to the kitchen to get a glass of water for his daughter. Once Katina has Katya situated comfortably on the couch, she started to ask her questions. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Katya looked into her mother’s eyes. The older woman saw hurt and confusion stirring inside the girl. Katya sniffed before speaking. 

“Beatrice said we’re not friends anymore.” Katya’s voice cracked. Daniel came in just in time and handed the glass of water to Katya. He made the little girl drink at least half of it before setting it on the coffee table.  
“Oh, baby. Did she tell you why?” At the back of her mind, Katina knew that it somehow had something to do with the other girl’s uptight aunt.  
“She’s lying. I told her.” Katya simply replies, as if it fully explains the situation.  
“Can you maybe tell us what exactly you guys talked about?” Daniel asks her. 

Katya let her skinny body fall against the cushion of the couch, half-lying down on her back so she can still talk to her parents. 

“She’s not the same when she’s in her house and when we’re playing outside. I think she’s lying. She said it’s because Miss Linda will punish her but, Papa, you told me that there is no good reason to lie, right?” The couple was surprised but nonetheless, let their daughter finish her story.  
“So I told her that. Then she got mad and said friends believe friends and she’s not lying.” Katya finished the story looking sad once again.  
“Katya, sit up straight. Mommy’s got to tell you something.”  
Katya diligently obliged.  
“I understand what you were trying to tell Beatrice, but the thing is, she doesn’t. She understood differently.”

Katya hummed, signaling that she doesn’t fully understand the concept. Katina continued talking.

“I will give you two examples. How would you feel if I call you a liar right now?” Katina questions her.  
“I will feel very sad, Mommy.” She pouts.  
“I see, now, if I asked you “Katya, are you lying?” What would you say and how would you feel? “

“I will say no and I will feel okay.”

“That’s the thing, baby. We have to be careful with how we ask questions without sounding so sure that the other person actually did something bad okay? The first example is an accusation. If we’re not careful, we will end up hurting people, especially those that we love. The second one is a simple question, and is less likely to hurt someone.” The woman explains.  
“But mommy, she doesn’t act the same!”

“That is a different thing, honey. Beatrice’s aunt, she…she has an idea of how Beatrice should act and… maybe Beatrice doesn’t really like it but, she has to do it, in front of Miss Linda. Baby, it’s really hard to explain. She has no choice.” Katina tries her hardest not to say bad things about the other woman in front of the child. Katya nodded.  
“Mommy, I still want to be friends with her. I don’t understand why she has to be like that but…I still like her.” The couple chuckled at that.  
“Maybe you should start by saying sorry if you see her tomorrow?” Daniel suggests.  
Katya rubbed her eyes and yawned. The night had been too much for her little body and she just wants to sleep. Maybe she should ask her mommy about the other things tomorrow. Maybe, maybe she wouldn’t have to apologize at all. Beatrice might forget all about it in the morning.  
…However, there is one thing that she decided that she has to know immediately.  
“Mommy, I don’t know why my chest hurt after I saw Beatrice crying? I felt like it has like, stones but also like…it’s not there?” Katina smiled even wider. Her heart swelled, hearing her daughter talk about her best friend.  
“You felt guilty, baby. You hurt her and you sort of knew it. It’s natural.”

Katya thought maybe she should’ve asked her mom in the morning. 

“Why do we not have white roses?” Katya pouted. Daniel chuckled and ruffled her hair.  
“Because one, I didn’t know that they were the sign of peace, and two; because I didn’t know you’d have to offer them as a sign of peace.” Daniel teased his daughter.  
Katya blushed, bowing her head lower. She had her mom look on the internet for peace offering gifts, and they found that white roses are quite common. However, they only have pink and red in their garden.  
“Hey, I’m sure she’ll like those pink roses. Tell her you picked them for her.”  
“I did.” Katya says, confused.  
“So, tell her.” Katya looked on, wondering why she and her father engaged in a seemingly pointless conversation. Just then, she heard Sasha calling her from their front door. Daniel walked Katya to the door.  
“Good morning, Mr. Zamolodchikova.”Sasha smiles with a wave. Being the only other kid with a Russian descent, he prided himself in being able to pronounce their whole last name, unlike the other kids around the block.  
“Good morning to you, Sasha. You’re a bit taller now than the last time I saw you.” 

“I was sitting on my bike, sir.” He giggles. The kids bid Katya’s father goodbye and started walking towards the small clearing where they always play hide and seek in. 

“What’s with the flowers?” Sasha asks the girl as he adjusted his glasses.  
“I hurt Beatrice yesterday so I’m giving these to her.” She answers.  
“Uhm, is that it? No apologies and stuff?” Sasha presses on. He is a bit more mature than Katya who is one year younger than him.  
“Do I need to? I already have flowers.”  
Sasha shook his head and draped an arm around Katya’s shoulder loosely.  
“No, Katya. The apologies come first and you give the gift in hopes that it will help them accept the apology.” Sasha explains.  
“Okay. What do I say?” Katya asks. Sasha thought for a moment.  
“If you’re saying sorry, that means you know you did something wrong. So, start by saying I’m sorry for hurting you, and then, tell her what you think you did wrong, then, maybe tell her you won’t do it again?”  
“Sounds great!” Katya smiles enthusiastically. She knew just what she was going to say. 

They found Beatrice by the tree where she tripped her ankle, talking to Pearl. Sasha enticed Pearl with a candy bar so that she would leave Beatrice and Katya alone for a moment.  
Katya awkwardly fiddled with the hem of her dress before speaking.  
“Beatrice, I’m sorry for hurting you last night. I shouldn’t have called you a liar. I promise not to call you a liar- and not to hurt you anymore.” Katya’s voice cracked as she tried to get it all out quickly.  
Beatrice looked up at the older girl, smiling shyly.  
“I told Aunt Linda, but she told me that you probably didn’t know what you’re saying.”  
There was an awkward silence, both girls randomly fiddling with their fingers or dresses to keep themselves occupied. Katya then remembered her peace offering gift.  
“Here. I brought you flowers. They’re supposed to be white but we only have pink ones.”  
With that, Beatrice smiled brightly. She took the flowers from Katya’s hand and pulled her into a hug immediately.  
“Thank you. Pink is my favorite color now.”  
“So, are we friends again?” Katya grins excitedly.  
Beatrice nodded frantically, pulling Katya into another, tighter hug.


	3. 7/11 & 8/12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To my beta, brainstorming partner, cheerleader, wife,[ Anw](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anw/pseuds/Anw) I LOVE YOU, Wifey! You're the only thing that inspires me to still write and finish this story. Your talent is phenomenal. I LOVE YOU!
> 
> Chapter warning: Implied Transphobia

Chapter 3

Beatrice didn’t understand a lot of things at seven years old. In her household, asking questions is not welcomed. Her choices were always _"do as you’re told”,_ and nothing else. It was hard growing up with foreign feelings and sensations, and be told off when seeking an explanation. Most of the time, Katya is there to help figure some things out, teaching her things that she had learned from her loving parents.

_Guilt._

_Apologizing._

_The dangers of talking to strangers._

There are so many concepts that she can’t quite comprehend, can’t even properly communicate, but with Katya, she can always rely on an honest answer without any trace of judgment. However, not all her how’s and why’s can be answered, especially if she doesn’t even know why she should ask them at all.

It started one Thursday afternoon.

She didn’t even notice it, but Beatrice has been spending less and less time with other kids around the block. Her young, bleak world started to fill with the boundless energy that is Katya. Walking home from classes, these moments are usually quiet for Beatrice, oftentimes letting her friends chat and buzz around her. She, herself, doesn’t know why, but somehow, she believes that she needs to reserve most of her excitement and energy, if not all of it, for when she sees Katya. The other blonde walks home with most of the kids while she attends after-school dance lessons at a studio nearby with Naomi, staying behind for at least another hour before she gets reunited with her best friend again.

Naomi, the long-legged girl with a shy smile, told her about it as they were walking home from their lessons. She wasn’t mean in the slightest; the older girl merely mentioned how Beatrice makes a beeline for Katya every time they’re outside to play, and how she’d drag the Russian girl to her house come boredom. It’s like nobody else exists in their own little bubble whenever they get to touch, it was just Beatrice and Katya. It was very obvious from the outside, evidently because even the children who’re way too busy picking fights and their noses noticed it too.

“Pearl is starting to like Jason because you’re always away.” The girl giggled at her.

It wasn’t even postulated as a question either, but she still thought it over a lot. It’s not like she’s not friends with them anymore, they still all belonged in an overlapping circle of kids and tweens. Admittedly, she doesn’t know much about them as much as she does about her best friend, but Beatrice still believes that she knows enough to identify each and every one of them.

Pearl loves fruit roll-ups and naps. Naomi, about two years older than them, is kind and always helpful, but doesn’t hesitate to call others out when her “sisters” get bullied. Kim comes off as timid and awkward at first, but she likes to talk and draw dresses that she will apparently make for the girls once she becomes a designer. Jason likes skirts, the only thing that keeps him and Pearl from clawing each other when they disagree. Jaida and Sasha are the oldest of the brood. Sasha acts like some sort of a guiding force to the kids, and Jaida is the comfort blanket, a partnership matched perfectly. They’re just as playful but less rowdy.

Then, of course, there’s Katya. 

Katy is fun; she can make the most mundane things exciting. Katya is selfless; she would go the extra mile to ensure that she gives Beatrice everything she can offer at her age, keeping her happy and content. Katya is caring, not a day goes by that she doesn’t ask Beatrice if she’s okay, if she’s taken care of, if she can still hold on. It was heartbreaking for Irina and Daniel to see their daughter being well-aware of her best friend’s living situation, especially when the girl would beat herself up about how little she can do to help her. (She heard her elders in church talking about it.)

There’s not much for Beatrice to worry about, at least on the surface. What do seven-year-olds care about anyway? Apart from her chores, all she ever does is study, play, go to dance classes, and piano lessons; all of which she enjoys wholeheartedly. But what does she do when she’s not doing all of this? Drawing with Katya, Practicing reading with Katya, looking for weird trinkets with Katya (which Jason stubbornly calls _“tchotchkes”_ ). Basically, everything she ever does, for the past year has involved Katya. She relished and appreciated all these moments that they have spent together.

Now, sitting here with Katya, the now-11-year-old helping her with her final project for the year, the question from months ago weighed heavy on her little mind, as it has been that one Thursday afternoon with Naomi.

The Russian girl animatedly told stories, laughing loudly even after multiple _ssshhh_ from Aunt Linda. Still, Beatrice remained quiet as she hasn’t learned of that adult thing where you pretend to be interested in someone’s story while keeping your own thoughts at bay. She kept spacing out, looking at nothingness as Katya rambled on.

Katya knew Beatrice better than she knew anyone. She can tell when Trixie was bored; when she’s worried about something she didn’t understand.

She _definitely_ knew that the girl wouldn’t want to talk about anything of that sort in front of Aunt Linda so when the old woman left the room to pick up the phone, Katya poked Beatrice’s arm until she looked at her.

“Bea,” she came up with the nickname after the pink rose apology, under the same tree where the girl tripped on a root. “Are you okay? Do you have questions?” Katya cocked her head to the side, waiting for Beatrice’s answer patiently.

The younger blonde sighed, slumping her shoulders forward.

“Why do we hang out so much?” She asked. Katya was taken aback, but scooted closer to Beatrice, one arm wrapping around her shoulders, pulling her close.

“Because we’re best friends and I like you.” She says quietly, just then, memories of their fight from the previous year flooded her mind, making her anxious.

“Are you mad at me again? Did I say something?” Her eyes brimmed with tears almost instantly.

Beatrice felt bad for her friend. She shook her head no immediately.

“No, I’m not. I like you too. I just don't know why we do it so much.” Katya smiled at this. That _feeling_ is back, that prickly-warm feeling whenever she’s near Beatrice.

“I like hanging out with you. I want to do this forever. We’re best friends forever, right?” Beatrice added quickly. 

Katya grinned and nodded excitedly. Beatrice smiled, wrapping her chubby little arms around the older girl. Katya’s hugs always brightened up her days, even the ones filled with yelling and Aunt Linda’s “ _you’re wasting too much time with that girl_ ” in a harsh whisper.

“I’ll be here forever and ever, Bea.” Katya says softly, rubbing on Beatrice’s back lightly.

“Can we take a break? We’ve been working all day!” She pouted, batting her eyes at Katya.

“No, we only have to add some flower thingies. We can go rock hunting after.” Katya assures her. Yes, they go out and hunt for _“suspicious-looking”_ rocks, only fueled when Katya’s Science classes dipped into Geology. 

The girls did finish Beatrice’s project eventually, and with a little time before sundown, set out on their quest to hunt weird rocks. It had been one of their favorite bonding, although Beatrice cannot comprehend why she always anticipates the part where they have to go home at the end of the day, Katya holding her hand as they walked in the darkening roads home. It was comforting, and Beatrice holds on to the last moments of calm and happiness just before she sets foot inside her house, under Aunt Linda’s scrutinizing gaze, then everything is sad, dark, and lifeless again. 

Katya is on her knees holding a tiny flashlight and a magnifying glass, scoring every surface of the land for pebbles that look out of ordinary, while Beatrice busied herself with whining and complaining that she was tired, clutching her “rock pouch” and “rock journal” by a tree.

Beatrice doesn’t like being outside, would rather sit by the window sill reading books (The _Bible_ , if Aunt Linda catches her closing a book after it’s finished), preferably as Katya brushes her hair as they quietly enjoy each other’s company. Her thoughts were interrupted with an excited shout from Katya.

“Bea! Look!” She got up on her feet in record time, dragging her younger friend where she had just been kneeling. She looked at Katya for an explanation, not understanding what she’s supposed to be looking at. Impatient, Katya let go of her hand and picked it up, holding it proudly in front of her. 

“It’s pink! It’s for you!” She grinned, bouncing on her feet. Beatrice took the pebble with a smile, holding it up higher, “examining it. 

“It doesn’t look dangerous.” (She would say suspicious, but she’s not sure how to say it out loud correctly yet.)

“I know! But hey, we found it. I found it. You like pink. Maybe it means something.” Katya insisted. She may not listen attentively at Sunday school, but she did pick up bits and pieces about signs, both from the pastor and _Kenny-dee_ , the lady who runs the costume shop down the street. She’s a woman, as Katya’s parents told her, but Miss Linda calls her a “drag queen”. 

“What?” Beatrice asks dumbfounded.

“Look, Bea. It’s a sign. I found this pink rock and I found you on the ground too. It means you’re important. It means I should take care of you.” Katya explains further. She does that thing where she flaps her hands around when she gets into whatever she’s saying like she’s swatting flies or something, Beatrice thinks.

“Maybe God is telling you that he hears you pray. What do you pray about?” is what Beatrice says instead. 

Katya scrunched her nose. “I think it’s creepy so I don’t do it much.” She shrugs, “But, I do wish that you’re always okay.” 

Beatrice didn’t understand much at seven, but she knew that Katya loves her, unconditionally.

  
  
  
  
  


Summer has become Beatrice’s favorite season for the past two years. For the little girl, it meant no school, lesser chores, no cold weather, and more time to play wither friends, particularly, Katya. The girl would be going to middle school the following school year, and as excited as she is, she also wanted to make sure that she would still have time to hang out with her little friend, but if she doesn’t she thought that spending all of summer together is the next best thing.

The sun sets a little later than usual, the longer days giving them more time to play, paint, or just sit around and watch the light disappear beyond the trees. Beatrice thanked God in her prayers for Aunt Linda loosens up a bit during the summer break, letting Katya stay over until after sunset. The days would always end with a hug, a lingering promise of affection that warms Beatrice’s heart, and just before walking away, Katya would softly utter words of assurance to Beatrice.

“I will make you happy forever.”

“You do look kind of foolish sitting by the doorsteps, Beatrice.” Aunt Linda commented from the living room. At eight years old, Beatrice often wished for a bigger house, a house with more rooms farther apart from each other just so she wouldn’t have to hear comments like this from her aging aunt, but then, she thought this was far more tolerable than her piercing, judgmental, dirty looks that had just gotten worse over time. The little girl sighed, folding her hands over her lap.

“I’m waiting for Katya, Aunt Linda.” She responds, powerless. She didn’t really know what else to say, not that they talk a lot apart from awkward questions about school that always ends on a litany about “ _Not turning out like your mother._ ” 

“It’s almost dinner time.” Her aunt reminded her, a code for _’Your friend is a messy eater and it’s one of the things I despise most about her, therefore I do not want her on my dining table.’_

The little girl only sighed, her thoughts too occupied by her best friend.

Beatrice had been worried about the girl ever since school started again. On the first day of the school, they walked with the other kids laughing and joking with each other, ready to start the year. Despite the fact that Katya had to go to another school now, Trixie felt confident in navigating her way through third grade alone, with Pearl and Jason. The best friends parted ways with words of encouragement and a promise of stories after the day. 

_Third grade is looking good for Beatrice. She’d made more_ _friends; she knew she would do well based on her teacher’s positive remarks. Pearl and Jason decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend in order to protect each other. (They’re kids, not every decision will make sense, okay?) The blonde was confused but nonetheless happy that her two friends are starting to get along after years of senseless bickering._

_However, it was entirely different for Katya, the poor girl barely made it to Beatrice’s door when she slumped on the floor, on the verge of tears. Even Aunt Linda was concerned for a moment._

_“It’s gonna be so hard. We have so much classwork to do. Plus, I think PE is scary. I hate my new school.” She whined as Beatrice sat beside her on the floor. She nudged the younger girl a little bit so she could lean on her shoulder._

_“I’m sure it will get easier. You always say that.” She softly says, her hand grasping Katya’s. It was weird, in a way, how the tables have turned. Beatrice comforting Katya is something they’d never expected to happen but was a welcome change. After all, Katya IS a child too._

Now, a couple weeks in, nothing’s improved with Katya’s schedule. They still get to play, but it renders the girl almost drained of her energy so Beatrice takes pity and sometimes sends her home early to rest, but, just this week, Katya’s classes have been hectic and the girl is on the verge of breaking down all over again. 

Beatrice saw Katya’s slim, scrawny figure walking towards her a few minutes later. She looked exhausted, her sweaty forehead and disheveled hair making it even more apparent.

“I won’t stay long. I have to write a book review for Literature. I have so much stuff to read.” She sighs, sitting beside the girl on the steps. 

“But you love reading. You said reading is fun!” Beatrice stroked her arm in an attempt to somehow soothe her.

“I know! There’s just so much work that I don’t get to enjoy it anymore.” She sighs. The girls sat in silence for the next few minutes, Beatrice just letting Katya relax for a while. 

“I’m going home.”

Beatrice’s heart sank.

“Already?” She pouted, gripping Katya’s arm a little tighter. She knew her friend couldn’t stay for long, she tried to understand, but the child in her just couldn’t cope with the idea of spending less time with Katya.

“I know. Sorry. I will make it up I promise! Please don’t be mad-“Katya immediately explains, but the younger girl cuts her off with a wave.

“It’s not your fault. We can play more when you’re less busy, right?” It hurts. Beatrice is disappointed. But she’s a big girl, she can handle it, or at least she can try. Katya is not going anywhere, is she?

“Yes! We can go bird watching when I have more time, how about that?” Katya proposed with a grin. Beatrice only nodded, returning her smile. With a lasting hug, the pair said their goodbyes for the night. In Beatrice’s mind, it’s temporary, Katya will be back to normal soon, back to _her_.

But, it doesn’t always work that way. Weeks passed, the visits still happen, but more rushed. They do manage to sneak in a few moments in the less busy weekends, but there is so much more that’s hindering a proper reunion between the two, other than their conflicting schedules.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more of a filler and I'm not really in love with it. Wait, who am I talking to?

**Author's Note:**

> If anybody ever found this thanks.


End file.
